Expect More

Today I went to Target to buy all the stuff I’ll need (or think I’ll need) for my 4-month stay in China. I’ve read in numerous places that in China, finding things like dental floss, tampons, and deodorant can be nearly impossible. Plus, since the Chinese gene pool yields very few curly-haired people such as myself, I doubt they’ll have my hair gel. I knew I would spend a lot of money. Since I’ve been to China twice before, I have some idea of what to expect, but now I’ll be spending a third of a year there. I never realized just how long 4 months is until I quantified it in hair products, hand sanitizers, and various implements for potential ailments.

Quite frankly I’m shocked at the amount of crap that I bought. It didn’t seem like much individually, but it added up really fast. Walking around the store, I was ashamed at how much stuff I had in my cart. I must have looked like someone stocking up for Y2K. I didn’t buy anything that I won’t use, but that doesn’t make me feel that much better.

So many people do not and never will have the means to just go into Target and spend $350. Yes, I spent that much. Disgusting, isn’t it? I worked about 45 hours for that money. If I actually had expenses, I could never, ever do that. I am too lucky.

Who am I to use all this crap? I always considered myself fairly non-materialistic and fairly non-consumer (if that’s a word). I don’t care about labels that I wear or owning the latest gadget or It bag or BS like that. But all this stuff, all that money, and especially those hair products really knot my stomach.

I shouldn’t care about my frizzy hair; I guess it’s my vanity. I hate that, as evidenced by the two shampoos, two conditioners, one deep conditioner, two gels and two hairsprays (4 months, people!), I care so much about how I look. As if it really matters.

I don’t like the idea of putting a ton of work into my appearance. Compared to a lot of people I don’t. But this hair product thing is making me look at myself a little harder. I don’t use that much gel on a daily basis, but looking at what is supposed to be a 4-month supply is rather humbling. I find myself trying to justify buying that much.

I am lucky that I can care what my hair looks like.

That’s the first thing I’ve learned from my semester in China, and I’m not even there yet.

And don’t even ask me how I’m actually going to get all that stuff to China.